Front PageResolving Church Conflict
Submitted by bill on Sat, 07/07/2007 - 09:01. church pettiness
The most potent source of conflict in churches should be easy enough to reduce, or at least to decouple from more important affairs of the organization. But the solution requires some major rethinking of what church is and what it's for. It requires rethinking organizational governance and spending significant time building relationship. And it requires an admission that people—all people, even leaders—are subject to selfishness and need regular review.
Before getting into my proposed solution to church infighting and the resultant splits and implosions and to developing stronger organizations, let's look at what contributes most to church disharnomy and a chapter of scripture that speaks directly to the issue.
Pettiness is both a common and potent cause of squabbles, as well as an impediment to the productive solution of them. It not only sparks contention, but it prevents solution by scattering and misdirecting attention away from effective resolution. By pettiness, I refer to petty grievances, brought about under an attitude marked by narrow mindedness, meanness and lacking in generosity—especially trifling matters1. Majoring in minors, is another way of describing it. Most of us dabble in pettiness from time to time: either as originator of it or as contributor to it. We sometimes gripe, moan and complain about situations and about other people or the things they do or say. We just do. It's part of human nature, it seems. But we shouldn't let it ruin our relationships. Neither should we accept it as inevitable. In fact, I contend that a major function of church should be teaching one another how to better relate.
Most Christians should be aware of Matthew 18, a chapter that speaks plain, common sense about relationships. It starts off declaring that those who have the humility of a child are the greatest, rather than the least. In fact, it claims that without this childlike humility, one will never “enter the kingdom of heaven.” We already know from other verses that the kingdom is here, in our midst2. But woe be to one who exploits one of these humble ones. The text goes on to declare that leading astray such humble ones is worse than being cast into the sea with a millstone around your neck. Now let's think about that a moment. Imagine gasping for air as the heavy stone around your neck drags you deeper and deeper into the depths of the sea while the light from the surface sinks quickly out of sight. This is not about hellfire and brimstone after death—it is about relationship and the damaging result of exploiting those who humbly serve. It is about suffocating relationship by exploiting the humble ones, who are actually the greatest of all, destroying their faith and creativity and leaving them wary of ever trusting again. This is serious business.
The next few passages advise cutting off or gouging out a body part rather than keeping it if it causes you to sin. This is figurative language that's rarely considered. Usually, in my experience, the good hand is instead chopped off to keep it from showing up the bad hand in contrast. That is, the part that is calling for self examination is shut up and cast out. This passage speaks to those leaders who cower at the prospect of calling on the carpet a major patron who is stealing the soul of the organization. And it speaks to the cheerleaders of those pet programs that are causing problems within the group, sometimes by taking more than their share of resources or continuing long after they have outlived their usefulness. It is better to be rid of temptation and paths to “sin” than to maintain a false state of peace and harmony. It is better to do without programs and powerful contributors than to lose the soul of the organization.
After those verses comes the famous parable of the Lost Sheep that tells of the good shepherd leaving the ninety-nine sheep and going out searching for the one lost lamb. Again this is the opposite of common practice, which too often considers the one lamb expendable for the “good” of the majority. The point is not of course to allow special interest groups to rule the roost. This story is not a contrast between the interests of the ninety-nine and the one. The ninety-nine are not “lost” but are safe and doing fine together, while the single, lost lamb is alone. Sometimes the ninety-nine hurl abuses at the one lost lamb, disregarding its welfare. What they miss is that their caustic spirit takes over the soul of the organization. It matters little why the lost one is lost. What matters for the is their attitudes and the affect of in-grouping create an atmosphere of anxiety that precludes creativity, spontineity and flashes unwelcome to newcomers. They will be gasping for air as their relationships take a dive down to Davy Jone's Locker because they forgot that the least is the greatest.
The next lesson is the important one. It lists the plain, common sense method for problem resolution. First: go to the one with whom you have an issue and talk with them in private. If that fails then, secondly, take along one or two others as witnesses, as you try again for reconciliation. Thirdly: if this fails too, then take it to the assembly. And fourthly, if this person is still unreasonable after all of this, then you are released from obligation. You have done all in your power. It is over. Drop it.
The final passage of the chapter tells a parable about a servant who, having been forgiven by his master and allowed extra time to repay his debt, goes directly to dun one of his own debtors and, when the debtor is unable to pay immediately, he mercilessly has him thrown into jail. The point is that mercy begets mercy. It is one person showing mercy to another that introduces mercy, which can continue. It's the gift that keeps on giving. But selfishness within organizations is caustic.
Selfishness seems almost as common among adults as among children. Perhaps it's a byproduct of affluence. But I think it mainly results from immaturity. And immaturity is at the heart of organizational conflict. We don't necessarily need great leaders to solve this problem. We can do it among ourselves by following the scripture handed down from the ancients.
Coming next: Refiting Church Governance
Notes
1 pet·ty (p
t
)
adj. pet·ti·er, pet·ti·est
1. Of small importance; trivial: a petty grievance.
2. Marked by narrowness of mind, ideas, or views.
3. Marked by meanness or lack of generosity, especially in trifling matters.
4. Secondary in importance or rank; subordinate. See Synonyms at trivial.
5. Law Variant of petit.
(Pettiness, The Free Dictionary, <http://www.thefreedictionary.com/dict.asp?Word=pettiness>)
2 See Luke 17:20-21 “…behold, the kingdom of God is in the midst of you.” While pondering this one, also see Matthew 21:33-44 which ends with this punchline: “Therefore I tell you, the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people producing its fruits.” The kingdom is not a destination but a state to be accomplished
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Failed Connectivity
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 07/08/2007 - 12:06.
Bill
So sorry for lack of participation. This is a good thread and look forward to part 2. Having severe connectivity problems here on computer and usual lack of assistance from my ISP. DNS error persists.
reido
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Try lmhosts file
Submitted by bill on Sun, 07/08/2007 - 18:13.
Reido,
It's been a few years since I hacked on PC networking, but you might be able to temporarily solve your name resolution problems by adding sites into your lmhosts file. You'll have to check the "Use LMHOSTS File" box that lives somewhere in the network setup. I forget where.
You can search your system for lmhosts and then edit it with Notepad. It should be at C:\WINDOWS\system32\drivers\etc\lmhosts. Then add a line at the bottom of the file like this:
70.86.210.162 faithcommons.org
Then open a command window and type the following:
nslookup faithcommons.org
Assuming that your system has nslookup installed (I think it comes with the TCP/IP Networking Tools on the system CD, or something like that), you can find out where your machine is looking to find the address for faithcommons.org.
Another way to cheat the system is to type the numerical address directly into your browser. But everytime you click on a link, you'd have to replace the name "faithcommons.org" with the number "70.86.210.162". And then the site software might confused if you try to add a comment since it tracks session information with the url. At least you might be able to read.
bill
» reply
Jesus Speaks Directly to the Human Problem
Submitted by reido on Mon, 07/09/2007 - 11:37.
Bill
At last I have a computer that works (still working on the one at home). While I wait for your phase 2 article, this came to mind.
As your study noted from Jesus' teaching there is discussion of relationships. While that glosses over really well into good preaching material, I think we miss the obvious and that is, what is he NOT discussing? The Jewish leadership? Doctrinal disputes? Territorial rights over positions in the Temple? Jots and Tittles of the Law? We know for a fact that there were hundreds of issues that Jesus could have touched on -- does that imply that all was well with the "System" and that it just needed some adjustment? Or does that imply that Jesus spoke directly to the human problem because the "System" was dysfunctional?
Some may take it that I am saying Jesus was in some way impuning the "System" and imply that he would do the same for our devices today. In some cases we DO see outright condemnation (Mt 23), but in most cases what we see is he simply chose to bypass it completely and go the heart and soul of the hearer him/herself. Why did he do that? I think it is because he could. That is, he took the simpler approach because (1) it was effective and (2) the alternative would have been to begin a complex navigation of snares and quicksand.
Some will also think I am trying to take the easy way out. No way. The problem of human relationships is MY problem -- can't blame this one on somebody else. Can't point my finger at a church full of sinners and say I am any better. Now, I have just related this to churchdom, but it goes much deeper than that -- as you know there are hundreds of prejudices among us that serve only to divide and allow us to cling tightly to the Exclusive brand of salvation we have chosen.
reido
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reconciliation
Submitted by Larry on Thu, 07/12/2007 - 20:32.
Bill said “Selfishness seems almost as common among adults as among children. Perhaps it's a byproduct of affluence. But I think it mainly results from immaturity. And immaturity is at the heart of organizational conflict.” The more I study the more I am convinced that selfishness is at the heart of all of our relationship issues – whether with the Father or with each other. Affluence and immaturity may be contributing factors, but selfishness is the root. Conflict results when I have to have my way. Relationship results (or can result) when I finally realize that “it is not about me.”
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Selfishness ... the root cause
Submitted by Dr K Prabhakar Rao (not verified) on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 00:26.
Dear Mr Larry,
Your observation about selfishness being the root cause is good. When a man is selfish, he wants everything for himself. He gets jealous if other person acquires it. At times, he does not want to share the credit with others. It may be recognition or possession of materialistic things. We do find these things in our daily life. Most of the people want to own an expensive and distinguished car by themselves. If another person has similar car, immediately the guy searches for another costly brand and superior one and thus has an edge over the other guy. If he fails to get one and the other guy manages, jealousy flourishes. This is out of selfishness with in the person. Therefore root cause is the selfishness that gives rise to other features such jealousy, anger, hatred etc. Man has to overcome these traits. If selfishness has to be overcome, he has to love others. Love forms the basic trait of all religions. Without love everything will be defective and lead to other bad traits.
Dr K Prabhakar Rao
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Love and other bad traits
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 03:37.
Dear readers,
Love is the basis and is in one's reach
That all religions on the earth preach
Alas!although fine things they teach
People suck blood of others like a leach
Anger and hatred are the order of the day
All types of guys are in the fray
People fail to see the Loves bright ray
People are selfish come what may
Dr K Prabhakar Rao
» reply
Relationship
Submitted by bill on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 10:19.
Larry,
It's good to hear from you again. You are right about selfishness being the root of our relationship problems.
Not to restate my point or disagree with yours, but my point about immaturity was aimed at the idea that we should be able to help one another “grow” away from this selfishness. Affluence only makes it harder. It is not so much a factor. So I agree with you.
Eastern religions focus on controlling ego, which I think is a very wise approach to relation.
Last night we rented the movie Contact, which is a science fiction film based on the book of the same name by Carl Sagan. The story juxtaposes an astronomer (atheist, both parents dead) and a former priest turned writer. Faith is center stage, as is political cunning—the science kind—as is the sometimes naïve search for knowing, and relationship. At least that's the way I saw it. After Dr. Elly Arroway makes contact with vastly more intelligent life, with no empirical evidence whatsoever to prove that she did, she finds that there are many “freaks” who “believe” her story on testimony alone, just as there were religious freaks afraid that her determination to contact intelligent life outside our solar system would damage their own faith in God. And the writer, whose story of finding God she had disregarded on lack of empirical evidence early in their relationship, sabotages her bid to be the one to go into space because he wants her for himself. Yet in the end, he is one of the few of the establishment who believe her story. In the movie at least, the two “believers,” one in a supreme being without empirical evidence, and the other a believer in supreme life beyond our own, sans evidence, drive off into the sunset.
While that's a terrible summary, and I don't really know what Sagan had in mind, I'll still step out and say that the story is ultimately about finding meaning in relationship. In fact, one line from the alien (sorry if I'm giving anything away, but it's an old movie) to Dr. Arroway, in answer to her question of “what's it all about,” says that it's about relationship between beings.
Last night I went to bed with a sense of awe, that kept me awake for well over an hour. It wasn't the movie. It was the preciousness of relationship, how fragile it is, and how wonderful it is. I'm not a touchy-feely person, but I found myself wanting to reach out and touch my wife—which would have awoken her and possibly irritated her. It was a cool feeling though, and I think I'll have to buy a copy of the DVD just to occasionally remind myself.
Relationship.
bill
» reply
Contact
Submitted by Larry on Fri, 07/13/2007 - 13:29.
Bill,
With respect to conflict in the assembly, wouldn’t this be a different place if we valued relationship more than we value winning an argument? I’ll be off-line for about 3 weeks, but I look forward to seeing your thoughts on church governance when I get back. BTW, I enjoyed Contact when I first saw it, and you’ve inspired me to see it again.» reply
Church.. Problems.. Human conduct.. At last love and mercy
Dear Mr Bill,
That was a good one and heart searching at a time when organizations are being lost in confusion and personal interests. It is a common thing to notice that all organizations which are are groups of persons are degenerating because certain sections want to dominate at the cost of others. Selfishness, craving for recognition and jealousy are the main factors that cause degeneration of any organization, let it be church, welfare committees, cultural associations or any organization where human beings get together. Although scriptures preach tolerance, love, mercy and sacrifice all these are mostly violated in these organizations of human endevour and jealousy reigns supreme. With it grows hatred, anger and intoleramce and human beings tread the path of sin that causes great agony to the right people. Church is no different. Invariably organizations break up due to internal bickerings and rush for personal elevation. Even governments are falling apart on these issues. USA is a country where Presidential form of Government is in vogue where the President continues inspite of loosing mandate in both houses. Some sort put of stability has been thus ensured by the peers of the American nation that has found it and laid it on strong foundations. In Parliamentary Democracy of otrher countries, horse trading is the order of the day where the multi party system plays havoc and people ditch others for few coppers and positions. This was evident in case of India few years ago and India became laughing stock among world nations. Prime Ministers changed frequently.Same is the case with State legislatures. Point is that human behavior is most important and some sort of morality must exist in all human congregations which unfortunately lacks. Why all world religions have split into innumerable sects and sub sects ?Basic scriptural preachings are being accepted by every one. Then why these splits? As stated earlier, jealousy is the main cause apart from lack of love, compassion and tolerance towards others as brought out by you. Very true. The fundamental aspects of scriptures are required to be followed if Church has to exist. Or else break up is sure soon. The article was heart searching and has struck at the roots and should strike the cords of the inner soul of every one.
Dr K Prabhakar Rao